Well I am back, I dont have much to say today, but I did want to make an attempt to write something intelligent and inspiring to myself and perhaps someone else. It is 86 degrees right at the moment and the humidity is high, which presents unpleasent conditions excpecially if u have no fan or a/c. However, I have always been creative, I just have me and my boys run up the hill (my backyard, hey at least I have one.) lol and run thru the sprinkler. I have long hair, once it is wet, I feel a lot better for a bit of time. Hey it works and it cost me nothing. (i don't pay for water).
In regards to my goal, to get off the net a little more, I have been somewhat successful, not a complete sucess, but I have more done than I did when I posted that entry. I am definetly aware than I was b4 I log on. I look around, and think of something i can do b4 I log on, or when the pc is loading. I will master it. I guess recognizing what I must do, is important too. I guess we will see how I do on that tonight. I still have an hour to do tonight. I have yet to sort thru Ethans toys and they are all thrown together.
I walked to the store today, and I found 45 cents in bottle returns. (here in NY soda, beer and water bottles have a 5cent return) matthew complained I was picking them up, but of course I didnt listen. lol. I live 5 houses from a pretty busy bar. I am a early riser and i ussually find a can or two before the janitor comes in. It is not much, but it adds up. I live right down the road from a bottle return center so they r easy to dispose of.
Today has been a trying day, not just cuz of the heat, but I am having some personal problems with Ethans dad. I am not gonna say anything cuz i have nothing to say nice, and it serves no purpose. I am slowely learning u can't argue with idiots. We have a very terrible relationship. He is 51 yrs old and well he is .......(never mind)
That is an area of my life, that I am struggling with gr8tly, I am not overly anxious to share it as it is down right embarrassing and I am being victimized. I know I am, and I dont know how to make it stop. The man won't hit me, as he knows I would throw his but in jail, but that is about all I want to say. I will work on talking about that, I have too, but I am just so fustrated and embarressed. Lets just leave it at the man has it friggen made and there is nothing I can do about it, I can't jepordize my kids, and he is a very mean person. If i take Ethan away, he would literally kill me. He has nothing to lose. Ethan is all he has. It really fustrates me, ugh....
well, i made a little progress here as i spoke of ethans dad, I ussually don't speak of him, but I am gonna have too. I guess, well i don't know .....
Matthews father died when he was 6 mo. old from a multiple drug overdose, so he is never a problem. I dont get any survior benefits for Matthew, cuz his dad never pd into the system. The only wacky part about that, is ssi gave him a disability ck from the time he was 18 untill he died at the age of 28. so how in the heck could he work enough quarters, if he was freakin disabled. Just freakin unbelievable. oh well, that is old news anyhow.
I recieved two blessings today. First Ethan got some underwear, he wont use the potty, and he has been holding his bladder all day, he is resting at the moment, I will make sure he uses the bathroom when i wake him up. I better do that soon or i will wish I had cuz ill never get to bed. As u can imagine with Ethan being 4 yrs and 5 months old he REALLY needed underwear.
The second blessing I recieved today was matthews grandfather took him shopping for his upcomming Boy scout trip on Sunday. I was afraid he wasn't gonna be able to go, cuz he wouldn't have what he needs. Now he will probably be the most prepared kid there. Matt goes to church with the Latter Day Saints. aka Mormans. They r good ppl, just not for me. Been there, done that. However there are a lot of positive male role models there, and Matthew is in desprate need of them. They sponsered his cost for the camp. Matthew worked it off thru community service with them. So it will be pretty quiet here next wk. 6 nights and 7 days. woo hoo......lol
well , i got to go wake ethan up and run thru the sprinkler and of course put him on the potty. I will see u all tommorrow. I am sorry if i don't have any thing uplifting to say but I am sweating my butt off.